Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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