i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They have beer where we have blood.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
