Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
