You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
