I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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