Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
