All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
