Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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