You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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