This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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