I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
