man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
