If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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