maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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