Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
