are you so shy because you have an std?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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