Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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