there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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