I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize