he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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