Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
