It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
