When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
