Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
