im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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