Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
