How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
