sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
