Already got asked if we're dating
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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