My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
