so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
