The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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