It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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