fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
