so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
