That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
