Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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