I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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