um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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