Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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