what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
