...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
