I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
