In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
