Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
