A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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