You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
