Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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