I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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