Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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