Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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