but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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