remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
