hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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