I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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