Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize