I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
