Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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