forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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