Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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