There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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