I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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