Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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