your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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