Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
