only if we run a train.
done.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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