She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
