i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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