Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
