Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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