He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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