mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
