OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
