No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
