She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
