and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
