Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
