listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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